Saturday, July 16, 2011

Choices

Almost blew my month's utilities on
these bad boys. Luckily I had a dinner
to run away to.
I have been really, REALLY antsy lately. Antsy for change, antsy for a challenge, antsy to get up and leave, to kiss someone, to buy big ticket items, to travel, to graduate, etc! It's just that season. My prayers lately have been almost frenetic; Heavenly Father has been getting an earful, lemme tell ya. "What do you think of me having a crush on _____? What should I work on right now? What comes next? How does a curatorial assistant job in California sound to you? Can you set that up? Am I doing enough in DC or do you want me to delve further? Are you still ok with me taking a year to finish this blasted degree? Will you bless me with charity? How am I doing? What else you got for me??"

Have you ever been in a similar state of mind? It might be a singles thing. Friends move in and out of my city and my life at record pace, literally: in my 320 member ward, there is usually a hundred person turnover each year. 100 out, 100 in. Lots of goodbye-I'll-never-forget-you's, followed by plenty of Nice-to-meet-you-what's-your-story's. I navigate never-ending rounds of engagements, grad school acceptances, sicknesses, birthdays, break-ups, promotions, and a million other occasions jostling the journeys of my friends at all times. Right about now is when I usually change jobs myself, or start a new semester, or move or do something crazy (kissing a guy in front of his whole football team last year, anybody??). I got absolutely NOTHING this July. I think that's the biggest thing that's got me on edge. At least it's summer and I can jet off to New York or the watering hole or a national festival and blow off some steam when necessary.

So what do you do with this mood? Certainly not make big decisions, but definitely start researching potentials. And go running a LOT. And stay away from the Nordstrom shoe rack.

This mood has caused me to revamp my habits, to create a better here and now. I have taken a hard look at my emotional and physical health the last month, with some interesting findings. You may have noticed some additions to my blogroll: I've started following a few health and fitness blogs for motivation and I have been working on building a better me. I know I feel better and have better organization and motivation when I go to sleep early--like WAY early, before 10-- and wake up early. I know I've got a massive sweet tooth and I am learning, SLOWLY, to keep it under control (Thank heavens for summer produce! Blueberries, sweet corn, and bell peppers, you are the loves of my life!) I find I am still, as always, rather reserved in large social settings, but I love finding people with big stories to listen to, and such people, and my besties out here, enrich my life and I am so thankful for them.

I was telling a good friend tonight that one of the greatest things DC has taught me is how to identify and maintain my own personal work-life balance. I know how much stress I can take without turning into a sad/cranky zombie. I know that if I am feeling a little depressed, it takes me around 4 days to get out of it, and that's ok, I WILL get out of it. I just have to cut back on a few extracurriculars (except service!) and watch the sugar intake. I don't feel the need to rush myself out of lulls anymore, and that in and of itself creates LESS lulls. I know I am a natural planner, and as I take a leading role in organizing my weekends with friends, I have a funner time (who wouldn't, with the gems I associate with out here, really?)

Is anyone still listening to my ramblings? The point is, I'm doing it. Living life, and living it as large as such a barely-anybody-mid-20s-girl can. I'm not good at everything, and sometimes it drives me NUTS that I'm in such a gypsy state of mind, but I'm working it out. Merci, mon pere celeste.

3 comments:

Jayci said...

I think your new goals and realizations are awesome. Understanding ourselves is a big part of this life, I think. And the more we can better, the better we'll be. :P Go Lindsey, go!

Maggie said...

I loved this post. I feel like all my friends are talking about these types of things right now...choices, changes, acceptance, and challenges. Good for you for getting a handle on it.

We need to see each other soon!

MOM said...

Great blog. Love your insight into yourself. What revelation...to know and understand yourself, your strengths, and the things you can work on.

PS- I love your new mantra! So true!