Pain? Suffering? SUCCESS!

"Dad, we learned about political parties today, and I think I am a Democrat."

-Once around age 13 and 8th grade, being at the time a student of US government, I thoughtfully approached my dad at work on his computer to make the above proclamation. I had some trepidation about making this statement, of course. I vaguely understood at the time that my dad was a Republican, and a persistent one at that. I remember he took his hands off the keyboard, turned to face me, and said kindly, "That's ok, Linds, your grandpa is a Democrat, too." Then he cocked his head in that psychoanalytical, battle-ready way he has (my siblings all know exactly what I'm talking about!) and asked, a little more belligerently, "So what about them makes you want to be one?" I bravely announced that we had learned in class that Democrats think it's important to help the people who are in need, and that their leaders, like FDR, establish programs to help feed and clothe them, and THAT, I thought, that sounded like the humane way to go. I just felt so bad for those who didn't have any food and blankies or mommies to love them.

And that's when dad wound up and began his speech: "Well, yes, Democrats DO make those kinds of programs, but you know, Republicans believe ___________ and ___________. Don't you think those sound like better ways to help?" Haha, I can't remember the examples he selected, but I will always remember that moment as the beginning of my foray into the Republican and conservative schools of thought, which I have since adopted as my own (insert the sound of my dad cheering [here]). I guess I'm a poster child for the adage, "If you're not liberal when you're young you have no heart, and if you're not conservative when you're old, you have no brain."

I share that experience with you because sometimes I still feel a little bit different than a lot of my conservative friends. I mean, my core-- my childhood tabula rasa-- was slightly tinged blue, can you believe it?? The little Democrat on my shoulder appears only at one particular moment anymore: when I see a failure by some Reps to recognize and allow for the plight and/or needs of those around them with empathy. I hate listening to politicians use harsh stereotypes and loud language against "enemies," and I feel like this diverse of a nation should and always has been a land of compromise, first and foremost (insert sound of my dad chomping at the bit to interject [here]). Yes, libs criticize and stereotype, too (Paul Krugman... boo.). Not an excuse. And I'm ending this post's political nuances right there, because believe it or not, I actually came here to write about ART.

Painful art!

The kind of art that asks you to experience the feelings of another that are not pleasant and pastel-y, but perhaps just as poignant and important. Believe it or not, you already know and love works of this kind. Remember this big guy from my first foray into the blogosphere? YOU ALL LOVED HIM AND YOU KNOW IT!

On the back burner of my mind I'm currently brewing a nerdy conference paper submission about "The Poetics of Pain" (the conference's choice of title and subject, not mine). My new graduate course about American mural art has me thinking about the way that "The Powers That Be," especially governments, show up in the art and literature that express pain. I'm currently seeking suggestions of literary works that do the subject of pain justice- all I've got so far are Dostoevsky and Kafka. Anyone got better ideas? I'm reading this dry, boring book about the art in the US Capitol Rotunda, and I swear, after each paragraph detailing the who and what of each frieze and mural, the author compulsively adds in a line about how the artworks' subliminal message is a steady, propogandistic demonization of the Indians, courtesy of an 1820's-era federal government bent on procuring support and enthusiasm for the intrepid settlement of the West. Sigh. Politics. And pain.

My as-yet cloudy thesis will state that pictures of pain used to be utilized by the powers that be for their own purposes. The Mayan temple pavilions at Chichen-Itza feature carvings of dozens of splayed sacrificial human bodies spouting blood. Ow. For example, the chipper fan-like shape in the middle of this photo is, in fact, the graphic illustration of a sacrificial, ceremonial decapitation for some calendar event by the religious and national leaders of the temple. Ah learning about these carvings in my Mesoamerican art class at BYU felt so thrillingly rated PG-13 it was AWESOME! No doubt the government wanted the Mayans to get jazzed about sacrificial pain, too. Kept them in line.

To your right is my example of pain from the powers-that-were in Colmar, Germany, in 1515, but it was apparently used not to terrorize viewers, but to help them. The owners of this village chose to place what my professor deems the world's most painful picture, The Crucifixion, by Matthias Grunewald, in their hospital for the poor and the plague-besieged. This altarpiece would have been opened up to the bedridden occupants' view only on feast days. My professor thought that this was a caring, empathetic gesture on the part of Grunewald and his patrons. The visual reminder of the Savior's suffering (via greenish skin, twisted limbs, and emaciated body) would have hopefully been something the poor plague-suffers could have identified with. Well I don't know about that; if I were bed-ridden, the last thing I'd want to contemplate in the world would be this poor Savior right here. But hey, I've never had the plague, so I don't know. Misery does love company, they tell me.

Around the twentieth century, successful images of pain start to be used by people against the powers that be. Politicized images urging action against government and leadership are abundant in our culture. Francis Bacon's terrifying pictures of the pope, anyone? Picasso's Guernica? Martha Rosler's anti-Vietnam collages? The two Obama pictures in my last post? My pieces-de-la-resistance in this essay I'm brewing will be analysis of two contemporary works that are pretty much disgusting, and it's Sunday and you're probably getting sad from reading all these macabre ideas so I'll stop there and keep it to myself. They're really juicy, though. Poetics of Pain. Ew. I promise I'm not a crazy person, but it is a topic I haven't ever thought about in art history before, and to my surprise, a lot of good art examples popped into my mind as I contemplated ways to illustrate and elaborate pain.

Movie quote!

-"What do you think about leaping off a building?"

"I don't think about leaping off buildings. I try to think of nice things"

-"Everyone thinks about leaping off--"

" Well I CERTAINLY do not think about leaping off a building."

-"I don't know how to kill Harold Crick. That's why they've sent you." :)

If Mona Lisa Smile and Texas Chainsaw Massacre had a baby...

...it would look something like this chilling American-art-world opinion piece (Thanks dad! I'm still shuddering! So scary. And awesome.)

vs.

(^Only time you'll ever see Obama OR a Dark Knight illustration on this blog. Mark My Words.)

PS *****GIRLY ALERT****** The following two posts made me cry (good cry) so I'm posting them for all the girls out there, who have the same abundant amount of free time I've apparently enjoyed this last week, and who are tired of reverting to Little Women or A Walk to Remember in order to get their feminine cry session over for the month.

Post 1- Jayci, my darling, unique, creativity-infused friend from Palo Verde, became a mom earlier this month! Hers is the most touching, honest, and beautiful post I've ever read on any friend's blog before about motherhood (note to all: it's the play-by-play of the day her son was born.) I really appreciate hearing and thinking about the sacrifices of motherhood from a real-time vantage point, from a real-life colleague and friend. I'm so proud of her and so delighted to see just how sublime and how worth it those sacrifices are, to those who wait and plan for it with their families in the proper, patient, and faithful way. Congrats, Reeder family!

Post 2- The love story of one of the brand-newly-married authors of theapronstage.com, a blog by four Mormon women in various stages of adulthood (one of whom I know from my singles ward out here). The line about cake vs. bread also had me shamelessly in tears in front of the computer... well, that line, and the two beautiful pictures. If you didn't know already, I am a MAJOR sucker for weddings; I cry at pretty much all of them, I save all my friends' wedding announcement photos, I don't really ever get tired of reception/engagement/bridal shower gossip, and if I come across a wedding photo album on facebook, you better believe I click through each and every photo... even when I don't know the couple! (Ok, that one sounded a little pathetic. Like you don't have your own guilty pleasures! :) After reading this post, can you blame me? True love has the ability to lift up anyone who gets around it!

PS

Sooo tired... but must report:

I got a job as a "Museum Teacher" at the National Building Museum! (That interview I told you about a couple weeks ago!) It won't quite cover all my living expenses out here, so I'm now on the hunt for job #2, but one step at a time, peeps! Let's take a moment to celebrate! It keeps my foot beautifully in the museum-world door, and gets me great experience teaching art: I teach kids all about the wonders of the built environment, from bridges to geodesic domes to Roman arches and back... it's really perfect for me, with my family background in architecture and my professional aspirations in art education!

The National Building Museum is a GORGEOUS old 19th-century factory-turned-museum in downtown DC, not too far from GW, with a cavernous, cathedral-like atrium, where I will be conducting my lessons with my kids, like so many mice (See picture at left). The lessons are all really hands on: like in one of them the kids use real--safetyfied-- power tools to build a 12' tall model home! There's a bebe constructing an arch in the lower lefthand corner of this picture to help you visualize. The kid in me is positively wriggling to get started! Thanks for your prayers, those who prayed for me. And, I feel to mention, please let me know if there's anything I can do or pray for, in any of your lives. I've been feeling very far away from my friends and family lately, with school coming on and the realization that, holy cow, I'm here to stay, and I really WILL only see the West and those I love most only a handful of times a year. Hence, you let me know. It makes me feel closer to home (so basically, yes, I'm being selfish in my asking :) K it's past my bedtime. Nighty night.

In case you didn't know...

I love this place. It's my home away from home... in more sense than one. The hope of seeing all of the rooms in it, of being sealed there to someone I love, and being nearer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in there, is why I do what I do. Why I believe what I believe. And basically, why I am who I am. Just in case you didn't know.

I found myself on the phone with a friend at 2 am this week, fighting a pitched battle about religion. I kept thinking, "He's not getting the whole picture! What can I possibly say more to help him understand why I choose to be Mormon (cuz heaven, he, and I all know it ain't easy). And then, the image of this temple came into my head. Along with it, the sweet memory of joy I felt outside another temple in Draper, UT, watching my best friend Jessica emerge, newly married to her dear eternal boyfriend. And that's when I asked my friend if he'd ever been to one of my temples. "No," came the answer. "Just go," was my reply. I am not very suave, like my brilliant returned missionary friends, and my kindly-and-powerfully-spoken leaders. I didn't have the scripture-based facts to prove him wrong in all the little nit-picks he was throwing my way. But when I thought about the temple, I remembered; that place is where God is. I have the Holy Ghost, and he tells me that in ways I can understand, and that this friend of mine will hopefully understand, that That place is where we feel his love, and where we get connected to families and all of humanity forever. That place helps my soul be still and free and happy. I hope he goes there. I hope he can feel the way I feel when I look at it. That place.... is just beautiful. I feel nothing but gratitude towards my Heavenly Father and my Savior when I think about the fact that he placed those buildings here on earth. Life is good, when you have the temple in your sights. That's all I really wanted to say tonight. K bye.

Once in a great while...

So I'm not one for canvassing my contacts list for donations, but this is a cause I feel strongly about, so I'm putting up a link requesting your help (sacrifice two Diet Cokes, chew 4 fewer packs of gum, hunt for change around your couch please, you'll know what to do!):

AFSP Out of Darkness Walk 09

The Out of Darkness Walk is a fundraising event for the SLC Chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I give my money and ask you to do likewise (any amount is appreciated, and 100% tax deductible- just search for my name or the team name For All The Good Times) to support the cause. I'm giving in honor of my darling friend, the president of the SLC chapter, and the tireless organizer of this event, Miss Ashley Crist, who lost her brother several years ago to suicide. I'm constantly amazed and humbled by the amount of courage it takes to press on in this beautiful life even after suicide overshadows it. Keep going. AFSP helps research, educate, and design prevention initiatives to reduce the loss of life from suicide and help families who've endured it. Thanks everyone!

^Shamelessly stolen from Ashley's Facebook albums... seemed like a fitting image.

"152 insights into my SOUL!" What movie??

If eyes are the window to the soul (though frankly, I don't always accept that statement, cuz I've definitely seen some eyes that just tell me, "this soul is hazel and didn't get enough sleep last night"), then I think a person's bookshelf is a window into their passions.

Now, I am actually a horrible example of this myself; my scanty bookshelf will only tell you I like history (The Other Eminent Men of Wilford Woodruff), love (Jane Eyre), and Christianity, particularly Mormonism (The Screwtape Letters, Franny & Zooey, and The Book of Mormon... a better window into my passions would be my overdue book account at the Harold B. Lee Library).

Nevertheless! I present this idea to you because it's occurred to me that, as I have, ahem... borrowed my roommates' books all summer to read during my commute, I am sort of spying on them. Or rather, I'm really getting a feel for their passions and interests. One is interested in health science and human endeavors, and chooses to unwind with great Russian 19th century fiction writers. The other roommate has a wide range of interests stemming mostly from her business and leadership training, but also canvasing historical fiction and loads of religious essays. I've recently been absorbed by her Leading Quietly, which is "An Unorthodox Guide to Doing the Right Thing" from the masterminds at the Harvard Business School Press. Fairly entertaining despite its stodgy, uptight publishing origins, the following passage from said book gave me some great food for thought this week (I know it's a long quote, but hold out 'til the end, you'll see why):

"[Great leaders] didn't end up leading countries, vast organizations, political movements, and social crusades by accident. Hence, it is no surprise that ego, passions, and drives that were somewhat less than angelic often motivated them. To some, this perspective seems pessimistic, cynical, and disheartening, but this view actually reflects an astonishing convergence of classical wisdom and contemporary science. The Old Testament and ancient Greek tragedy portray men and women as fractured, complicated creatures, pulled in different directions by a multitude of hopes and fears, wants and needs. Compare this picture to the one emerging from the new discipline of cognitive neuroscience. It describes the human mind as a set of semi-independent modules, each of which handles different tasks. Some help us walk upright, others sense danger, others remember, plan, and love. The modules often operate simultaneously and clash with each other. As a result, the human mind is 'a noisy parliament of competing factions.' Our inner lives resemble the disjointed images of modern paintings rather than the harmony of classical sculpture."

!!!!!!!!! It's like they knew I was coming! Hee hee.

"Which modern painting would best represent the fractured mental modules he's talking about?" I wondered.

Franz Kline?

Lehigh V Span. 1959-1960. SF MoMA.

No. Too black and white and understandable-at-a-glance, although very attractive in the galleries (his canvases are HUGE-- as in, dining room window huge-- and almost seem to be spelling something out to you in a language you recognize but can't read).

No... de Kooning?

Woman/Verso: Untitled. 1948. Hirshhorn Museum and Sculpture Garden (woot!).

Naaaah. Too interested in toying with female stereotypes, although I'm sure there are some people who feel that his is a pretty accurate portrayal of the overall look and value of the interiors of women.

And then... it hit me. One of my favorite artists, whom I met (and by met I mean saw a work by and fell in love with) at the Pompidou, summer '07 when I was studying abroad: Nicolas de Stael.

Fugue. 1951.
Here's a side view of the same little painting, which sits over in the Phillips Collection in DC (thanks, unknown Flickr benefactor!):

Get a sense of things fighting to be in harmony in this work? Of "semi-independent modules," like it said in Leading Quietly?

L'Orchestra. 1953. Centre Pompidou.

This is the Nicolas de Stael piece that originally won him my heart, the one hanging in Paris. Believe me when I tell you, this baby is HUGE. I do love the modern artists who chose to make their creations human-sized. I felt as if I really was having a conversation with this work of art when I stood in front of and a little beneath it. I don't have much gossip for you about Nicolas de Stael the artist, besides the curious habit I've noticed he has of naming his works after musical terms: the Orchestra, Fugue, Composition, etc. His big blocks of colors, often including grey, are personally attractive to me. The paint blocks are never just slopped on like a Pollock, but very thought out and built up from the surface of the canvas. Almost like he was constructing a city, block by block, with the swipes of his trowel. When I took some friends to tour the Phillips about a month ago, I admired the Fugue before I even noticed who it was by, and then we all marveled together at the audacity of the museum for leaving its works so unguarded; you see, the paint patches are so built up that in some areas you could actually reach out and break off a piece of the paint if you so desired. (NOO! Resist!) I guess I'll have to do a little bit more searching to find out what was on his bookshelf. I'll be back with the details later. Needless to say, his compositions are much like Franz Kline's for me; familiar, sexy, and energetic, but not in a frenzied sort of way. More like the energy and power you feel when you stand by a river. Hence, me likey.

Ps. TWO MORE WEEKS OF LIFEGUARDING! Then I get my life back, er I mean I get to start school again, and apply to jobs again, and hopefully remember my college-level vocabulary again... oooh it's getting close! And no, I will NOT recant my assertion that summer is better than fall. It is. I only look forward to the close of the pool, not the close of the season.

Official Apology to Indie Kids/Hipsters

After taking 24 hours to cool off, and realizing with a sheepish inner grin than I myself own pairs of skinny jeans and Chuck Taylors... and also remembering that I occasionally admire my friends' trendy, otherworldly (and overpriced) Polaroid art projects, I'm hereby issuing an apology to those who find themselves drawn to this particular style known as Indie and/or Hispter. Guys, it's not really you I was hating on last post, I swear. It's the America-wide plague of materialism, which you in particular fall prey to (forgive me). And... not to sound like a crazy conspiracy theorist record, but this society-ruining materialism is, in my opinion, brought about by a swarm of suave marketing professionals, aka the bane of my existence. Example: Urban Outfitter's online fall collection slogan is: "Then Again: New Urban Renewal." What the *&%$ does that even MEAN??? I feel dumber for having read it! And I hate knowing that whoever buys things from that collection will have added to the second Beamer fund of whatever marketing guru wrote it. Gah. Ok, step away from the soapbox, Lindsey.

I hereby promise that (500) Days of Summer is not an awful movie-- quite quaint actually, and it realistically depicts the type of relationships my generation likes to have (sadly enough). But I have to wonder, would the two characters have fallen in love if they DIDN'T have a huge load of materialistic props to worship or scorn together? Seriously. They fell in love over an iTunes song issuing forth out of oversized headphones like the kind you see in every Target/AE/AX photo spread. Summer and whatever-his-name-was really hit it off as they go on a date simply walking around mocking the domestic interiors of Ikea for a whole 5 screen minutes. They later discover that they have relationship problems (gasp!) thanks to their differing reactions to a Ringo Starr vinyl record. Finally, they each realized their individual destinies thanks to some shockingly coffee-table-esque books on architecture?? Really??

Sigh. I'm going to go back to reading this week's book, Little Women.

PS this has nothing to do with the rest of the post, but I wrote down the following quote from last week's book, The Robe (AWESOME!), and I really wanted to share it. Marcellus, a Roman Tribune learning slowly about Jesus after taking part in his crucifixion, says the following while contemplating the new underground Christian movement:

"'This faith,' he declared deliberately, 'is not like a deed to a house in which one may live with full right of possession. It is more like a kit of tools with which a man may build a house. The tools will be worth just what he does with them. When he lays them down, they will have no value until he has taken them up again.'"

Beautiful, no?

Why I Hate Marketing

Fate is a funny thing. I started three other blog posts during the course of this week, but hadn't the heart or the resolve to post them. And now, due to the delightful, all-knowing march of fate (which I've really got to learn to trust in), I know this will be the one that makes it to the press, er, blog. I've got the writer's fire, and I need to blow off some steam!

It's Tuesday, which means it's my day off/day I schedule interviews/day I say I'm going to recoup sleep but never do/day I celebrate being young, independent, and free in the middle of a beautiful city. This particular Tuesday I had a great interview (fingers crossed!) that reminded me why I am really truly going to blow a fortune on a ridiculous Art History Master's degree- I love beauty, and I want to do what it takes to bring it to the rest of the world's attention (just like my mommy and papi did for me!)

The interview portion of my Tuesday being thus finished around 10 this morning, I set off to accomplish the celebration/young/independent part. I wasn't particularly creative this afternoon, I merely adventured into two of my favorite new foodie finds (delicious falafel at Moby Dick's Kabob and a saintly cupcake at Baked and Wired. MMM overpriced Georgetown calories. The very best.) It was a nice break from the lifeguarding staples of granola and ice cream, and yes, indeed, I do feel more independent and young now.

Then I went to go see (500) Days of Summer (See trailer Here), the only movie that really appealed to me at the moment- I'm a girl, I love summer, and I love Love. Case closed.

It was the first time I have ever gone to see a movie in a movie theater all by myself. Well, not really by myself, if you count the one bearded indie boy sitting behind me, and the two hipster college freshman girls a few rows ahead. Nevertheless, congrats, me. Such bravery.

I emerged from the theater, still alone, and less than enthusiastic about what I'd just seen. In fact, I came out with the determination to sit down at this very computer and transcribe a fiery explanation of Why I Hate Marketing. That's right, folks. Although I hate to break the hearts of my beloved indie friends, after seeing this movie I must solemnly declare:

The whole indie/hipster identity that's blatantly advertised in this movie is completely made up by well-dressed marketing MBA's, who are pulling their shiny BMW's into their suburban mansion garages and laughing their heads off at you right this very hour!

"How did they do it, and say what now?" you ask. By successfully hawking the following trendy, pseudo-vintage items at you in multiple sleek marketing methods such as online advertising, the elusive word-of-mouth, and most prominently of all, product placement. Off the top of my head, here are eleven hipster products that were marketed prominently in (500) Days of Summer, as the Beamer-owners cunningly try to convince the young and the restless trendsetters that they need to purchase for their "uniqueness:"

-chalkboard paint
-big headphones blaring little known bands
-long retro cardigans (and this product placement really is just ludicrous- the movie is set in LA, people! NO ONE with a metabolism keeps cardigans on in LA in the summer for more than a minute!)
-girls with bangs
-vinyl records
-Ikea
-Wii
-karaoke
-Vodka/Whiskey (my compatriots are now convinced that they are too good for beer now- leave that to lesser, poorer mortals, like the kind that like Nascar... ew.)
-shoulder bags
-Green Architecture (does anyone besides my Dad even know truly what that means??)
-damask wallpaper, a la the store Anthropologie 2 years ago

I'm just thankful i didn't see an iPod... oh wait, you get a full 15-second shot of Joseph Gordon-Leavitt's computer screen with iTunes opened on it. Scratch that. BOOOOO marketing! You're responsible for turning the American populace into ambivalent androids!

The movie review I had trusted told me this about the movie: "It's about a boy who falls in love with a girl named Summer, and is then enchanted with the very idea of summer itself." Being a huge summer (the season) fan, I went to this movie hoping/listening intently for an eloquent, postmodern soliloquy on why this time of year-- this glorious season that allows you to run around as naked as possible and down ice cream to your hearts content-- is the best. I didn't hear any such speech. Ever. The boy was in love with a female Summer, and later turned to autumn, the downer season after that comes after summer, for comfort. LAME!

Oh, and one last item to be subjected to my current rash bout of scorn: Irony. Not the subtle irony of the two stars' quick back and forth banter. The irony that I watched a movie whose the plot revolves around a greeting card company employee, a former architect, and the inevitable indie plot twist- Gasp! that the people who don't believe in love find it, and the people who do get shafted but end up smiling to themselves as they start afresh.

Those who know me well will know why I find those three things ironic.

Now, onto art, since I know I've been very selfishly autobiographical of late. The film's setting in LA reminded me of this sculpture in the Hirshhorn:

Larry Bell. Untitled. Glass, bismuth, chromium, gold, and rhodium on gold-plated brass. 1964.

Larry Bell was one of the first artists to help transplant the contemporary art scene from New York to LA (where it is still finishing migrating today, although it has received numerous renewed threats from such international counterparts as Berlin and London). Long rejected last century as a city of culture because, well, let's face it, LA is home to such un-museum-worthy items as Jack Nicholson, the Lakers, and 1970's bungalows, nevertheless, around 1970 the good old California city made the art world turn traitor to its own elitist mentality by producing very sleek, very surface-y, and veeeery seductive works of art such as the above Larry Bell piece. "You think you can do modernism, New York?" LA taunted. "Is this all you got??" (See the Richard Serra below) And it was true. Why would anyone hang around New York to discuss works like this:

Richard Serra. 2-2-1: To Dickie And Tina, 1969. Steel. 1986.

when they could go to the beach, get a tan, and see something that--dare I say it-- managed to come off as wonderfully elitist still, but also managed to pull off a slight return to beauty!? Notice Untitled's lovely colored surface, which at once reflects the viewer and reveals a veiled look at its inside. Oh, beauty! We missed you! Only in LA, where the beautiful people get beautifuller (thanks to plastic surgeons) and the normal people get trendier, thanks to Hollister and Max Factor, would we see you return to the art world. How ironic.

Secrets (Maggie my fellow fan, this one's for you)

The blog Post Secret asks readers to send anonymous postcards containing their secrets to its founder, who then publishes them on the web. Sometimes funny, sometimes sweet, sometimes horrifying, and sometimes galling, it is always so fascinating to read what everyday people have an itch to reveal to the world at large. The creator of this website also published a book of these secrets (and I guess he has another one in the works... so excited to read that one soon!). I spent part of my Friday thumbing through Post Secret Book the First at a store, and spent another part of my Friday composing a list of my own secrets.

One of my favorite postcards in the book reads something like, "Instead of writing down my secrets I share them with those dearest to me... and my life is better for it." Betting that this is very true, here are two of the seven secrets I wrote down. Have a great week, my friends:

6. My regrets from college can be reduced to: kissing Spencer Thomas after we broke up, not going the extra mile for that A- in French 201, putting up that picture of Jenny kissing her future husband's roommate on the end-of-the-year ward slide show, and not telling that boy how distracted I got when I looked at his beautiful face in the library.

7. Every day I wake up to a future that most modern girls' dreams are made of, even though it's not the life I always wanted and planned for. But it's ok. I don't have control over God's timing and I'm doing the best with what I've been given... and I experience real, true, simple happiness almost everyday because of this truth (although each day's happiness comes in the guise of simple adventures such as walking to a friend's house in the rain, talking to a girl at the pool about her friend's suicide watch, or riding the bus home after a long day at work and cherishing the thought that I might belong to the bottom rung of society now, but I'm a free and independent girl in the heart of a great city... and have much to hope for.)

Pable Picasso (Spanish). The Butterfly from the illustrated book Eaux Fortes originales pour textes du Buffon (Histoire Naturelle). Print executed 1936, published 1942.

Iran do Espirito Santo (Brasilian). Butterfly Prussian Blue. 1998. Gouache on paper.

Mark Grotjahn (American). Untitled (Coloful Butterfly White Background Three Wings A#2 504). 2004. Colored pencil on paper.

All courtesy of the online collection at MoMA (Art world's newest version of "The Man.")

To every boy ever made:

Know this: the whole sagging-your-swim-trunks below the top of your butt crack is NOT attractive. Has NEVER been attractive. Does not endear us women to you in any way and in fact makes us want to barf and/or yank your pants up to your belly button in a very un-sexy mom-type fashion! I don't CARE if you want a better tan line. I don't CARE that your mom once told you you have a cute butt. I promise you, we will still appreciate your asset when it is displayed under a layer of stylish hyperprene boardshort material. the end.

from,

a person who knows. who is sick of the lower cleavage. (especially the nasty old chunky man kind).

^ Only person in the history of the world who has gotten away with it. And it's only cuz a malicious dog it attacking her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^On behalf of women everywhere, thank you, Paul Walker, for being so.... modest. :) We likey.

SOS- I don't have sufficient energy to blog. And I'm back to hating that word.

It's a crying shame, too, cuz I just wrapped up the first full 60-hour workweek of my life, and through it all I had TONS of thoughts streaming through my brain that could be blog-worthy. But now they're all gone; siphoned away while I caught up on my sleep this glorious Sunday afternoon. It's probably for the best. No one should know the random things that scroll across my consciousness while I deal with the relentless sun, the interlaced layers of sunscreen, sweat, and chlorine that pile up on my skin each 10 hour day, and the 200+ little rascals who think I don't notice when they keep running even after I issue my patented mean-lifeguard-bellow, "WALK PLEASE!" ... yep. It's probably for the best I don't blog this week.

... and yet...

My days start and end with an hour of bus travel. This week I completed The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn whilst riding the 10B bus, and it was possibly the most enjoyable read I've had in years. People, WHY does everything written after 1945 have to be intellectual, bleak, and didactic? Why can't I find more stories that are content to make me laugh and see a resemblance between my busmates and Jim and Huck and the two river "rapscallions," the Duke and the King? Why does it seem like my contemporary reading choices are either the vapid Twilight or the labor-intensive Tolstoy? I just need to know. And I need some brilliant writer to make it all go away, and take me floating down the Mississippi again. That's all.

I've had four saves since I began lifeguarding. You needn't be impressed by this. They have consisted of jumping off the stand in order to set upright four babies that tipped over in the 1' deep play pool (THE most stressful pool, in my opinion). Parents get busy talking to each other or dolling out more sunscreen on their other kids, baby tips over and flounders, trying to figure out how to get face up again, and Lindsey springs into action. These mini-saves gives me a heart attack every time, something akin to the sensation of going down that first big drop on a roller coaster.

I really like hanging with the other guards, who range in age from 16 to 21 (my superior is a ripe old 20). I've caught up on my high-school phraseology, the most frequent of which is "FML," and if you don't know what that means, I'm not telling you, and you probably shouldn't look it up. Your poor little eyes are too pure for such things. Although I really do enjoy these guards' easy-going jokes and laughter, I definitely have to bite my tongue when they talk about prom, required Albert Camus, college applications, and which older friend/sibling gets them their alcohol every weekend. Holy crap I feel old with my opinions on such matters. A little old, and a lot Mormon. You may find it odd and discomfiting, but I don't miss hanging with YSA's so much during the week anymore. Truly, I've heard enough dissection of how to get married and why the opposite sex sucks to make me want to shoot myself... NEVERTHELESS! I love my church. And I really miss Institute. And I'm thankful it's Sunday and I could go and listen to speakers.

Ooh, there is one thing I actually CAN remember thinking about this week that I guess I'll blog about. I'm hoisting my intellect out of its slumber in order to discuss the following with you, vague Internet audience (consisting by now of probably just my mom, my aunts, and my darling friend Jayci):

What is the most important thing in the world to you?



One of the guards thinks he's hot stuff, and I can see him shining up to me, and I take none of it. In fantasy Lindseyland, if he ever actually asked to know what it was that makes me completely ignore his existence, I would be brave enough to ask him that question, and watch him struggle to articulate anything beyond an emotion you'd find in a Dashboard Confessional song.

Cuz he's nineteen, and the world has taught him to think about one thing only. I'm fairly confident this dude would never guess what is the most important thing in the world to me, and that is:

Truth.

Ok, ok, I only just figured that out myself while I was sitting on the stand. Somewhere over the last two weeks I asked myself this question, and was frustrated when "religion," "family," and "learning" all came to mind at once. "You can only have one answer to this question There has to be some link between the three of those that is really what you care about most in this world," I thought. I finally hit on it several shifts later. I'm in a constant search for glorious, magnificent, soul-strengthening truth.

I would classify religion, family, and learning as things I love dearest in the world, and I love them precisely because they present me with truths. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints connects me to the personality of God, who is loving, and has a plan for me. It introduced me long ago to Jesus Christ, who, as my dear mother and father and the scriptures explain, is my biggest cheerleader and kindest friend. I could go on and on about the other truths it teaches me, including faith, priesthood, the need for a Restoration, and how great and marvelous is the plan of salvation, but I'll stop there for now (you all should know these things, and if you don't, I know some good people who'd love to teach you about them... :)

Family, including those friends I would give my life for, present me with the knowledge of what it is like to have true charity bloom within you. When I think of my fam, or call them on the phone, or attend their weddings (YAY CLAYTONS!), I better understand what it is to yearn for someone else's happiness and salvation before my own concerns. Truth: "The greatest of these is charity," which "suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." (Moroni 7:45)

I can still remember my reaction to that scripture when I really first contemplated it in seminary. I thought, "That's totally a road map to how we should be living! Am I suffering long? Kind? Not puffed up? Seeking not my own? THINKING NO EVIL? Bearing all things? etc. It really is a good personal checklist, then as now.

Learning-- precious, fun, and exciting adventures of learning-- brings me into contact with the stories and opinions of man and God, and I like that it is up to me to use my intellect and spirit and faith to divine which among the opinions I encounter each day are truth. An interesting quote was passed out in Relief Society today....... Confession: I was so tired, this being my only day off, that I didn't really hear much of what was said (BAD Lindsey!), but I most definitely was able to focus on and be intrigued by this sentence. Go ahead and make the connection between this quote and my love of learning and all-wonderful TRUTH on your own.... I can feel my powers of rational thought and writing ability slipping away fast (time for a nap.) ps the SAAM artwork from last week was indeed the red one at the end. I really liked all those images, though, didn't you?

RS Quote: "Could we read and comprehend all that has been written from the days of Adam, on the relation of man to God and angels in a future state, we should know very little about it. Reading the experience of others, or the revelation given to them, can never give us a comprehensive view of our condition and true relation to God. Knowledge of these things can only be obtained by experience through the ordinances of God set forth for that purpose. Could you gaze into heaven five minutes, you would know more than you would by reading all that ever was written on the subject... I assure the Saints that truth can and may be known through the revelations of God in the way of His ordinances, and in answer to prayer." -Joseph Smith

And on the fifth day, she rested...

Yesterday: 10 hours lifeguarding. at a public pool. on the fourth of july.

Today: Let freedom ring!




Fact: One of these images was pulled from the Smithsonian American Art Museum's Online Collection. The other four were pulled from the first page of Google image search results for the keyword "Freedom." Can you guess which one is which??