Faith and pain

I wrote a comment to a blogger who has decided to set out on a life path that no longer includes membership in my church, but I can't bring myself to send it to her. It seemed a little selfish. So I decided it belongs on MY blog, where everything is already presumed to be about me, me, me, and my experiences. A little primer: it's about a spiritual low point I once went through.

I'm so sorry. I've been there, not for as long as you have though. I felt like a canyon had opened up in my heart, I walked like a zombie through church, hearing the same words I had heard before but just letting them all drop into the giant crevice.  

I am happy to report, though, that, through counselling and a good bishop and sheer force of mind, that rift healed over. It did not disappear. I keep the scar hidden, but I know I will have to show it to others some day who also struggled. I accepted the idea of having a shelf to put my questions on. I found answers or at least balm, little by little, which was most certainly extended to me in answer to sweet prayers uttered on my behalf by loving family members, and maybe a little in response to my own strangled prayers. Most importantly, I stomped down on feelings of guilt about certain choices I had made and refused to ever let them spring up again. I go to church and, the much more effective spiritual act for me, I go to the temple. That is my point of rest.

I wish you the best. I don't have anything to say like "Keep trying" or "Have you tried this or read that?" It sounds like you are thoughtful through it all. I hope you feel the love of your Heavenly parents. I have to believe they listen and watch intently. Again, best of luck, and life, and thought. And peace.

One of the most miraculous proofs of the atonement, to me, is the complete erasure of the memory of the pain I felt at that low point. I know I was miserable, I never want to go there again, and Heavenly Father has given me the gift of being UNABLE to go there again. I literally can't remember that pain anymore. Once, I heard a Relief Society president relate almost exactly the same experience, only she was referring to the pain of being single (she was giving her last lesson before getting married. She was 29). Maybe we all reach these low points. Hopefully we all get delete keys pressed for us by a higher power.

I'm so thankful for the sweet gift of deletion. I plan to show that thanks by looking people in the eyes and helping them in their points of pain, if they will let me.

In celebration of Mom

I got to go home and surprise my parents for Thanksgiving and hang with my hilarious cousins. The surprise was a complete success (see videos on Facebook... mom cried for a LONG time, she's so cute!!).

And we shot skeet, learned the Virginia Reel, feasted, hiked, attended the cinema, feasted some more, played an intense game of two-hand touch on the arc of a baseball field (weird), and goofed to our heart's content on the Strip. And through it all, I observed something:

My sweet mom worked tirelessly, without question, without complaint, with joy on her face. For us. For me! What an amazing example of service. She was everywhere in the kitchen on Thanksgiving, simultaneously carving turkeys, mashing potatoes, whipping up gravy, and setting the tables. She somehow LIKED cooking the chili dogs and arranging snacks the next day while we peppered the Dry Lake bed with shotgun shells.  This afternoon, upon popping through Grandma's front door after hiking Lone Mountain, we discovered a large assortment of turkey sandwiches spread along the counter waiting for us, because she knew we'd be hungry. I can't say I'm at her level of automatic serviceable-ness yet. I still want to run around and have fun.

BUT.

 I really want to learn to be like her someday. She makes everything so beautiful.

That is all.

In case you, like me, need the occasional reminder that your problems are small

All images from the NASA Goes Pink Flickr Set. Enjoy!

our ultraviolet sun

Ok this one's not from NASA- I got into a fight with my roommate because I said this is the person I want to meet first in heaven when I die:

I'm sorry I'm not spiritual enough to meet Jesus first. I just think I'll need a primer for His level of majesty, and I happen to think Gene Kelly is the most majestic MORTAL who ever lived and would fill that role marvelously. I stand by my statement!

I had a long lunch/I needed a creative outlet

Found this on an educational tumblr today:

Because I was REALLY bored 

Because the attempt to fit the entirety of Western art history into 9 smiley faces made my eye twitch, I decided to pare it down to just an American 20th Century History of Art (much more sensible):

I will not apologize for the use of the Comic Sans font. I was having a moment of nostalgia, and besides, I feel it gels really well with the smiley face theme.

To Marissa, My Fellow Flying Squirrel

This is Marissa, one of my favorite people on earth:

These are the types of fun things we like to do:

Shake it on the beach.

Jam with Brad Paisley.

Meditate at Foamhenge.

Build "Phonehenge" at Foamhenge.

Etc.

In five days we are running the Richmond Half Marathon together. It's her second, my first, half marathon. Marissa, are you ready? I'm so not. But I'm excited to survive with you :)

This part is just for you, lady. May I present:

LC and MP's Electronic Half-Marathon Survival Kit

Important tips and reminders for this week before our race:

http://www.dailyruns.com/half-marathon-training/

Motivation to cross the finish line:



We will watch it. With ice packs on our legs.

Even funner motivation to cross the finish line:

Have you HEARD of Tebowing? I feel like it should be the pose we strike at our victorious end. Check it: Tebwoing.com 

Motivation of the food variety:

What was the name of that shake place right across from that tattoo-filled burger place we ate at with he-who-shall-not-be-named? Yea. I'm thinking it's time to hit up that shake place.

Let's try to get this stuck in our heads before the race:



No. Scratch that. This has a quicker beats per minute, will keep us uptempo:



I still have both of these wristbands fyi, and I will be bringing them so we can coordinate our style (although we still need some tutu's...). I think we can safely cross "bring our game face" off the list if we come with these expressions on our faces:

Heights.

I said it on FB and I'll say it again here: HOLY $@#!



In my next life, when I have been blessed with coordination and no fear of heights, I will do this all day long.

I love watching people live out their craziest dreams. :)