Choices

Almost blew my month's utilities on
these bad boys. Luckily I had a dinner
to run away to.

I have been really, REALLY antsy lately. Antsy for change, antsy for a challenge, antsy to get up and leave, to kiss someone, to buy big ticket items, to travel, to graduate, etc! It's just that season. My prayers lately have been almost frenetic; Heavenly Father has been getting an earful, lemme tell ya. "What do you think of me having a crush on _____? What should I work on right now? What comes next? How does a curatorial assistant job in California sound to you? Can you set that up? Am I doing enough in DC or do you want me to delve further? Are you still ok with me taking a year to finish this blasted degree? Will you bless me with charity? How am I doing? What else you got for me??"

Have you ever been in a similar state of mind? It might be a singles thing. Friends move in and out of my city and my life at record pace, literally: in my 320 member ward, there is usually a hundred person turnover each year. 100 out, 100 in. Lots of goodbye-I'll-never-forget-you's, followed by plenty of Nice-to-meet-you-what's-your-story's. I navigate never-ending rounds of engagements, grad school acceptances, sicknesses, birthdays, break-ups, promotions, and a million other occasions jostling the journeys of my friends at all times. Right about now is when I usually change jobs myself, or start a new semester, or move or do something crazy (kissing a guy in front of his whole football team last year, anybody??). I got absolutely NOTHING this July. I think that's the biggest thing that's got me on edge. At least it's summer and I can jet off to New York or the watering hole or a national festival and blow off some steam when necessary.

So what do you do with this mood? Certainly not make big decisions, but definitely start researching potentials. And go running a LOT. And stay away from the Nordstrom shoe rack.

This mood has caused me to revamp my habits, to create a better here and now. I have taken a hard look at my emotional and physical health the last month, with some interesting findings. You may have noticed some additions to my blogroll: I've started following a few health and fitness blogs for motivation and I have been working on building a better me. I know I feel better and have better organization and motivation when I go to sleep early--like WAY early, before 10-- and wake up early. I know I've got a massive sweet tooth and I am learning, SLOWLY, to keep it under control (Thank heavens for summer produce! Blueberries, sweet corn, and bell peppers, you are the loves of my life!) I find I am still, as always, rather reserved in large social settings, but I love finding people with big stories to listen to, and such people, and my besties out here, enrich my life and I am so thankful for them.

I was telling a good friend tonight that one of the greatest things DC has taught me is how to identify and maintain my own personal work-life balance. I know how much stress I can take without turning into a sad/cranky zombie. I know that if I am feeling a little depressed, it takes me around 4 days to get out of it, and that's ok, I WILL get out of it. I just have to cut back on a few extracurriculars (except service!) and watch the sugar intake. I don't feel the need to rush myself out of lulls anymore, and that in and of itself creates LESS lulls. I know I am a natural planner, and as I take a leading role in organizing my weekends with friends, I have a funner time (who wouldn't, with the gems I associate with out here, really?)

Is anyone still listening to my ramblings? The point is, I'm doing it. Living life, and living it as large as such a barely-anybody-mid-20s-girl can. I'm not good at everything, and sometimes it drives me NUTS that I'm in such a gypsy state of mind, but I'm working it out. Merci, mon pere celeste.